The Return of Tex

Not sure where to start, really.  It’s been a while since I posted anything and for good reason.  I’ve gotten to the point recently in which it is quite clear that I have spread myself too thin.  Mind you, everything in the life of Tex couldn’t be better but now that I’ve worn myself down to almost nothing, it’s starting to affect me and the people closest to me.  I’m tired.  I’m picking ridiculous, petty fights.  I’m more snarky than normal (quite the shocker, I’m sure…).

On top of my full-time job, I am also a full-time student.  I already have a degree yet I’m going back for another because my job is so boring it sucks the life right out of me.  Luckily, a few of my classes are online so that’s what I work on during the day.  In addition to the full-time work/school, I am also lending a hand at my brother-in-laws custom shop by doing their books.  And if all that weren’t enough, I’m also balancing a grueling CrossFit schedule and a boyfriend.  The boyfriend is not grueling…he’s awesome. 

SO…what gives?  What can be taken out of the equation?  Obviously, I must work.  The real estate in my city has skyrocketed to the point of utter ridiculousness because of the oil boom.  Thank you, west Texas…

CrossFit is my release.  LOVE IT.  My little bro is my own personal trainer and I couldn’t be more thrilled with my progress even though there is so much further to go.  We are also signed up for the Tough Mudder race in October and I’m STOKED!  This is the first “goal” I’ve had in quite some time and this is something I must do for myself.  Right alongside the CrossFit, I’ve begun eating super healthy and am trying to stick as close as possible to the Paleo diet.  Not only is the food delicious but it’s reminded me how much I enjoy cooking and trying new things.  I’ve even started growing some of my own herbs and it’s amazing the difference it makes in the food AND my grocery bill!

School is where I’m having the hardest time.  I’m doing well in all my classes, mind you, it’s just that I’m questioning whether or not this is the right time for me to do this.  I hate to quit now…especially with my good grades and my scholarship.  The thing is that in order to keep the scholarship, it is required that I enroll as a full-time student.  Yikes.

As for the boyfriend…he is my saving grace.  We both have extremely busy lives so he is not needy, clingy or dependent.  Therefore, I rejoice.  He’s also not an asshole like some of the others I’ve dated.  Therefore, I’m content.  He’s all about my cooking.  Therefore, I cook more.  He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.  Therefore, I question his sanity.  Just kidding.

The Boyfriend is the main reason I’ve got to figure out what is making me so snarky and mean right now.  I severely overanalyzed something he said (or did not say…who knows) and made the mistake of letting it overrun my brain.  I was upset, he was upset.  For no reason.  Brilliant.

As I was sitting alone last night pondering the goings on of the previous few days, I believe I discovered the root of why I was acting a fool.  My latest post on Facebook reads,

There is a sense of belonging that every human needs.  It sucks feeling like you just don’t belong.

This applies to many aspects of my life ranging from family to friends which really sucks balls because all my family lives in the same city that I do.  Sometimes I feel like I was adopted because I just don’t “fit”.  It’s hard to explain…  I’ve always been the black sheep and, oddly enough, I’m alright with that.  It just seems as though they don’t really want me around sometimes and it hurts.  As far as friends I’m not so sure where to begin so I’ll leave that for my next post which should give me some time to piece together my thoughts.